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| The past week has been an emotional journey for me as I take the chance to work out my relationship with my mother and enjoy the holidays all at once. My mother has agreed to pick me up in Greenville since I am certain that my car would not make it on a 3-hour travel to Lumberton. My mother also agreed to pick me up by herself. I realized it is much better if it was just the two of us in the case in which we would have to have to discuss where our relationship is going.
Christmas was nothing special. Grandmother had to work in the morning so we waited until she came back from work to "sort-of" open the presents. I gave mom a bottle of Saracco, which is a Moscato d'Asti wine and an optical mouse for her laptop. Mom decided she didn't want to go shopping this year so I received a 100 dollar bill from her. Grandmother decided to give me a 100 dollar bill as well, so that makes me a little happy since I need the monetary support at this time since I will not be receiving funds from my financial aid refund until January 9th. Our Christmas dinner consisted of Palabok and a Filipino-style fruit salad.
I had to quickly leave to go back to Greenville the day after Christmas since I had to help Dave pack and move to his new Raleigh apartment. But before my mother left my apartment after dropping me off, I made her realize that her relationship with her current lover is affecting the family and it is also affecting me the most since I am her daughter, her only child. I made it clear that I will abandon our relationship as mother and daughter again if I notice even a slight change in the relationship. I need my mother. I need for her to act like a mother and not my friend or a sister. I need for her to manage her time between her loved ones, her own child, and her boyfriend. If not, things can go out of hand.
Moving on to Dave's situation, it never hit me until Saturday afternoon that Dave is actually moving and he is no longer in Greenville. All day Saturday we moved Dave's things to his new apartment in Greenville as I depressed myself in realizing he will no longer be here in Greenville. I think it is simply time for me to move on with my life as well and I can only hope that I will succeed in my degree and survive another semester of coursework and begin my internship. We can only hope.
I am still sick and I am slowly recovering. Shamekia's New Year's Eve party is this Wednesday and I just hope I'll be fine by the time the day comes. I visited her last night so I can give her the drinks I am bringing to the party. I decided I am designating myself to take care of the wine area. I got a Pinot Grigio and a Merlot to contrast both the white and red wines. Also, I brought her a box of chocolates that we may be able to use as part of the hors d'oeuvres to complement the wines.
When the New Year comes, I will be continue my diary blog about a review of my life in 2008.
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| This past week was the first official week that I did not do anything but finish my graduate assistantship hours and relaxed and be with friends for the holiday break. I also finished my last lessons with my harp student Caroline and my piano student Kyra and I can't believe they got me something for the holiday season! Caroline's mom, Caroline, gave me 60 dollars, an awesome glass bracelet, and some harp figurines! Kyra's mom, Rhea, gave me a small poinsettia plant and a currant candle.
Last Saturday, I hosted my first Christmas get together for all of my closest friends. I went shopping for all of them. I spent almost 200 dollars for simply the food that I served and their gifts. I invited my friends Shamekia, Charlene Young, Lara, Beth Faircloth, Marty, and Brandie to just socialize, have drinks and hors d'oeuvres, and some christmas carols in which the lyrics where changed to make it more provocative. Lara gave me a Joanna Newsom CD, Charlene gave me a christmas card, Shamekia gave me a great wine opener since mine broke last week attempting to open a bottle of Brachetto d'Acqui, and Brandie brought some bread and olive oil, and a Pinot Grigio wine and Lara brought some peppermint barks and chocolate peppermint sticks.
Sunday, Marty and I performed at his church and it went well. We did the Carol for Advent piece originally composed for piano, flute, and choir, in which we performed it for piano and flute only. We also did a couple of piano and organ pieces as well. During the course of that night, Shamekia and I went to Japan Inn for some sushi followed by a relaxing stroll down the isles of Barnes and Noble in which I purchased a book about cats for my George as his christmas present from me. Around this time, Marty called me and said that he is dropping off some stuff at my apartment and when I got home at the end of the night, Marty has given me a 15 dollar gift card from Sheetz and a very nice card.
This afternoon, I went to Sheetz and filled my tank with the 15 dollar gift card Marty gave me as I waited for my George to come to my apartment for us to be able to simply hang out since he was in town. We just watched some movies and got dinner. I think I am beginning to like him more than just friends and it's killing me. He is, in a way, socially awkward and I do not know how I would approach him about this feeling I have for him.
Anyway, I am awaiting December 23 to come so I can go home to Lumberton to see family for the holidays since I do not plan to stay there for such a long time since I have to help Dave move his stuff to his Raleigh apartment this Saturday!
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| As if my weekend wasn't bad enough, I was again swarmed with familial problems as soon as I got out of my Theories class this past Monday when my grandmother called me and said her and Sandy (a family friend) are in town. This was also in the middle of me grocery shopping for some of the things I needed to have to cook this Asian dish for my Monday night multicultural class potluck.
I hurriedly went back to my apartment and accommodated grandma and Sandy and spoke to them for a little bit about what is really going on with my mother. It is really hard to talk about it but it had to be released. Anyway, my day got worst when my friend Paulo called me in the middle of class and told me this random guy I met off of craigslist the other week posted some shit about me on some bodybuilding forum that he checks from time to time.
I think I probably need to stop messing around with a bunch of 18 year old brats that don't even know shit in life yet.
Anyway, I'm currently studying for my Theories final for this coming Friday. Wish me luck.
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| Wow, this week has been such a roller coaster ride. It started when my mother gave me a call after a month later when I told her that she needed to find a way to gain my trust back after our huge fight within the past year and when she said she'd call me more often, she never did. So when I got a call back from her this past week, I told her to go fuck herself and called her a goddamn bitch.
I spent Thanksgiving with my friend Kenny and close friend Shamekia at Kenny's place. I cooked a Laotian dish with stringed beans, bean sprouts, chicken and a lot of seasoning. It was a great Thanksgiving dinner without having the drama of home. After the dinner I just went home and went to bed. It was nothing special.
Friday came and my friend Bridget, who is in the same program as I am for our Master's degrees, came home from Thanksgiving and we decided we wanted to get together. The night started when both of us purchased some margaritas mixes and beers and watched Sex and the City episodes at her place when around 9:45 p.m. we decided we'd go downtown. I went back to my place to change and when I got back, Bridget was already drunk as hell. I decided I need to drive since I refuse to go downtown by foot. When we got there, we met up with her ex Jonathan and hung out for a bit when all of a sudden Bridget decides she wants to mingle with other men. So she tapped this guy behind us and the guy started to talk to me. His name is Scott Wallace who is in Greenville for the holidays but he's stationed in Hampton, VA for the military. I ended up bringing home this guy with me and it ended up with a lot of sexual tension. We had sex that night but we were both too drunk to continue. I also ended up regurgitating everything I ate yesterday since I was stupid enough to not eat dinner prior to drinking.
The guy was awesome. We had great conversations yet I don't know where it was leading. I don't think picking guys up in a bar is a good way to look for relationships. It was so pathetic that in the middle of the night, I secretly took his phone and called my cell so I'd have a record of his number. The next day, we woke up and got dressed since I had to take him back to his friend's house due to the fact that his friend was still asleep and he was supposed to be the one to pick him up at my place. That didn't work. I got so emotional that after I dropped him off, I had to see Bridget and talk to her about what had happened.
The day couldn't have gotten worst. My mom decided she wanted to see me in Greenville with her NEW BOYFRIEND. yes, her new boyfriend whom I didn't know she even dated someone new. What a fucking bitch. I hated the fact that she is keeping secrets from me. I didn't even know they've been dating for 6 months now. I guess this is what happens when your relationship with your mom is just as shitty as a sewage system. We ended up having dinner together at Saeng Thai Restaurant and I believe her bf Dale is great but I don't think he's in the level of classiness and sophistication as I am. Then again, that's my mom's decision, not mine. Apparently he also has a son that goes here to ECU named Dillon ---a freshman. Hmmm... (haha no dirty thoughts here HA HA!)
Anyway, we concluded the night with a mouthful of arguments but came to a conclusion to reconcile and I'm giving her one more chance to regain my trust. If not, I am moving on with my life without her and I will be by myself.
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| Wow, I can't believe it's been TWO YEARS since I entered a blog on my diary. A lot has happened since then. For the past two years of my life, I have been struggling to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and I felt as if I could never find it and I will never be successful with my life. Until a year later when I decided applying for my Master's degrees in Substance Abuse Clinical Counseling and Rehabilitation Counseling would be a great idea, I finally was accepted on January 2008 and now currently taking the journey into what my career would look like beginning in May of 2009. Friends come and go and I also learned not to be attached and trusting of the people who I think will be close to me then all of a sudden vanish into thin air. I learned to be independent not just when it comes to relationships with men, but also with my friends and my career. Because honestly, who is going to be feeding me? Nobody.
I am currently on the verge of failing out of my program because I feel as if I am just not trying or maybe I am just really that stupid. I AM NOT GIVING UP! I will do my best to stay into the program. I only have one more semester to go and I am not going to fuck this up. I can do this. I just need a little push. Possibly a change of study habits----either way, I will not give up. I do not want to leave my program. I have accomplished so much and I can't just let it all go into waste.
Having my father to be so far away from me at this time and not having seen him for almost 11 years and also him being diagnosed with Renal failure and prostate cancer, is a very emotional journey for me at this time. I just hope he will be fine and that he will see me march down to that stage as I receive two of my Master's degrees in December of 2009.
Today was a very unproductive day. I woke up at noon and went to teach my two piano students, Kyra and BJ Miles in Simpson then went to Starbucks to write my paper for my Counseling Theories course. Finally, my friend Marty met up with me at Starbucks and we went back to my place to jam a little. Marty is an organist, by the way. We are planning to do some Christmas performances at his church in December and will also be performing at the Tipsy Teapot Coffee Shop on Dec. 13. I can't wait!
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